My Mannschaft

Don’t worry, I haven’t had a penis transplant. No, ‘Mannschaft’ is the (rather hilarious) German word for ‘team’. And, in my quest to become a fully-fledged German, supporting a football Mannschaft is an important step. Plus, I’m a big fan of any hobby that you can do with a beer or a whiskey in your hand.

Choosing a team was relatively easy – coming from a country that loses at virtually everything, this time round, I was going to pick a winner, and that meant Bayern Munich.

OK, they're not Bayern Munich but hey, hot Germans with their shirts off... why not?
OK, they’re not Bayern Munich but hey, hot Germans with their shirts off… why not?

This would prove to be an unpopular choice at the Offside Bar a few weeks ago. Bayern were playing Dortmund and it was standing room only, with everyone in the bar supporting Dortmund. Oh well, now I’d get to combine being annoying with beer, whiskey and football – perfect.

When one (bad) German stood up to leave, I shot into his seat and found myself at a table with several jovial German men. Dortmund were winning 1-0 for most of the match so I decided to spice things up a little.

Me: I bet you a whiskey that Munich win 2-1.

Knut: No way! 

Me: Yes way. 

Knut: Ha, OK, I’ll take that bet. 

And then Munich scored twice and I got a very nice whiskey out of it. Football is fun.

A few days later I was chatting to my English friend.

Me: I really want to go to a football match. 

Nigel: I have a season ticket for Union Berlin. 

Me: Cool! Maybe I’ll come along some time. 

Nigel: I’m going to a match on Saturday – Union are playing 1860 Munich.

Me: Count me in!

So, I bought a ticket and we hopped on the train to Köpenick. As you have to walk through a forest to get to the stadium, we decided to get a beer for the journey. My first street beer – how German am I?

We joined the queue at the security area, which is where I made the unfortunate discovery that they don’t let men frisk women. Helga Hammer-Hands gave me a rather brutal seeing to – she touched places my most intimate man friends have seldom gone. But then we were in.

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The atmosphere was electric and the fans were über friendly. We got chatting to loads of people, including two Japanese guys who didn’t really seem to know what was going on most of the time. Luckily, the Union chant is written on the stands, so I was able to join in immediately. ‘Unsere Liebe. Unsere Mannschaft…’ It sounded great roared in an Irish accent.

Me: I bet you a whiskey that Union don’t score before half-time. 

Nigel: I’ll take that bet. 

One more whiskey for me. Clearly I am excellent at this football stuff. In the end, we lost 4-1 but it was a fantastic day out. I think I’ll stick with Munich Mannschaften in future though – there’s less chance of being schafted.

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80 thoughts on “My Mannschaft”

  1. Sounds like fun — except for Helga’s “unnecessary roughness.”
    We don’t get too much in the way of football over here, though Premier League is now shown on weekends. Give me a good ice hockey match any day. Talk about tough!

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  2. I’m not a fan of football and the behaviour of some of the fans here would make me very wary of going to a match. I much prefer rugby where the fans of the two teams just mix up together. The football players here dive to the ground whenever another player comes anywhere near them, never mind touch them! Except in ladies football (I saw the London 2012 ladies olympic final) where they fall over, get up and carry on, and even check if the opposing player is ok if they trip one up.

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    1. That sounds much better 🙂 Yeah, the hooliganism in England is a real tarnish on the sport there. One of my friends had to be bussed in and out of whatever town he was going to so there wouldn’t be a riot after the match – and it came pretty close to it by all accounts!

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  3. Clever girl – that’s integration for you! I can’t stick footie – give me rigged rugby players any day. I’ll sit in a corner with a whiskey and watch the spectators, much more entertaining. Do German football player roll around the floor agonizing when they snag their fingernail like the French ones do? Just when you think they’ll send a hearse onto the pitch to take them off, they leap to their feet and bound off like Husain Bolt on crack.

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      1. Ha ha! No, the Germans are far too honest for all that play-acting – they just get on with it. One guy even fell over, got up a second later, ran and scored. A Frenchman or an Italian would have been rolling around looking for a free kick 😉

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  4. Love it Linda! Sounds like a lot of fun. But just so you know, whiskey schaft can really put a damper on an otherwise dreamy evening. You may want to stick with beer while watching your mannschaft play 😉

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  5. FC Bayern are complicated. Hated in the domestic league, the Bayern fans are known for prawn sandwiches and bubbly. Munich 1860 on the other hand are all beer and bratwurst. It’s not possible to like them both. St Pauli fans are generally thought of as having the best fans in Germany. Long suffering like 1860…

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        1. I was there earlier this year – thought it was so beautiful! I was with a friend though so didn’t get talking to as many locals as I would have if I’d been by myself. I’ll definitely be back though! Must buy a Dirndl… 😉

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  6. One of the few German words I know – tends to stick, can’t think why! I had tickets to see 1860 in February, turned up on the Sunday with tickets in hand… turns out they played on the Saturday. Idiotic.
    FC St Pauli all the way regarding German teams!

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      1. They play in the second division, probably the only left-wing/socialist team in the world! I hope to get to a game soon. Are you a football fan by nature or just adopting it over there?
        Haha yes you’re quite right, there was no German punctuality on show that weekend. Sadly.

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        1. I like football, but I don’t watch it religiously. I watch all the big championships though 🙂 The World Cup matches here were fantastic.
          Maybe that team will play Union some day and I’ll be there!

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  7. From a country that loses at virtually everything?! Rugby? Golf? Boxing? Show Jumping? Linda O’Grady – take it back this instant!
    Glad you’re having fun, though. Hope those are Irish whiskies that you’re scoffing!

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  8. It took you two months to have a street beer? Weak, man. I had my last one of the season (I think) in a park last Sunday. Now it’s -15C and snowing, so I will eagerly await springtime.

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    1. Ha, very true! 🙂 It’s great to be back in a football country – I never did get into ice hockey much 😉 Oh, and I went to Beauty and the Beast (the musical) last night, which was INCREDIBLE!

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