For the season that’s in it, I decided to write about something totally unrelated because, let’s face it, I think most of us are Christmassed out at this stage. I don’t think I was ever particularly Christmassed in, to be honest.
Instead I thought I’d write about something far more interesting – me. Or, more precisely, my blog. Expat Eye on Germany has been going for around four months now and I’m pretty pleased with it. While I never expect it to reach the dizzying heights of “popularity” that the Latvian blog reached, I am actually quite happy about that. Pissing off two million Latvians is manageable; pissing off 85 million Germans is a different story.
So, with blog hits heading for 25,000 and close to 3,000 comments, let’s have a look at some of the weird and wonderful search terms that have brought people here.
that expat linda girl
I think the Latvians might be looking for me…
berlinda the expat sausage
I’m offended. And also hungry.
crazy linda in ikea
Yes, that wasn’t one of my finer moments. I still haven’t changed my mind about the place though. NEVER AGAIN.
how many time couple fuking for baby bourn
I’m not really sure why Google sent you to me. I’m hardly an expert on procreation. Still, if I could give you one piece of advice, it would be – don’t procreate. The world has enough morons.
places in germany that look like fuck
I’ll admit that I haven’t travelled that much of Germany yet, but there don’t really seem to be that many places that look like fuck. However, if you’re really intent on this, you could try Marzahn. Alternatively, just skip Germany altogether and head for Poland or Latvia – there are plenty of places that look like fuck there.
german poo shelf
I know, I know. Despite numerous explanations/justifications, I still don’t get it either. (Splash.)
german word for i’ve followed through
You sound like you might be in need of a poo shelf.
english mans sexs only towel dress image
Sorry, but I’m more interested in German mans sexs right now.
do germans working in america understand our humor
I don’t see why the Germans would have any more difficulty understanding American humour than any other nationality.
why all ppl want to move to germany
Because it’s awesome.
sex with german sweeping maid utibe
I’ll get my uniform and a camera. In the meantime, this will have to do…
weed feels like japan
Um…
am around just a little busy,but i live in buru in german language
Double “um”…
am all tied up man whatsup/old fashioned pictures of women tied up/girls who likes to meet up and being tied up for the evening/girls who likes to meet up and being tied up gagged
I really hope I never bump into this guy.
And finally…
why is expat eye so popular?
You tell me!
So a big thank you to everyone who’s been reading and commenting – except the gagging guy. Here’s to a fantastic 2015! I hope you all join me for the ride – except the gagging guy.
Happy New Year/Guten Rutsch!
(And hoch fünf)
Oh, I have missed your humor. I’ll be setting aside time to explore the posts of the last two months. But at least I know what search terms to NOT use; thanks for covering them here. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha, thanks Cindi! Nice to have you back! 🙂
LikeLike
These are the most fantastic search terms I’ve ever seen!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You should have seen the ones on the Latvian blog – shudder. People searching for ‘Latvian grandpa cock’ 🙂 I’m still the first result that comes up on Google if you put that in! And ‘crazy Latvian women’ haha! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I read the report and mine are not NEARLY as interesting. I’m going to have to step it up. Challenge accepted!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think Anna got a lot of hits when she wrote about penis 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s important to write what you know, and sadly, I might need refresher courses on some topics 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha! Well, it sounded to me like the 50 Shades woman had never touched a penis in her life and look at her now 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
She couldn’t have possibly. But fair point, and well-taken. Smut life, here I come!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Welcome to the team 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Just a matter of time before pissing 85 million German mans off, just a matter of time…
HAPPY NEW YEAR DARLINDA! 😀
Latvia still misses you!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I doubt that 😉
Happy New Year SilvyRiga! 🙂
LikeLike
hahahaha thats awesome!!! I also get so many funny google searches… I am planning to present them next year hahaha
The sausage one is funny hahaha
Oh my!!!!
Happy new year Linda 😀 may your blog be even more successful next year!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you very much and same to you! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you dear Linda 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
I really needed to make something knickers-related join this list!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Had a new search today – help I’m tied up and gagged. They obviously didn’t do a very good job with the tying up if the person could still type though… 😉
Throw your knickers in the air – it’s NYE!
LikeLike
Damn and blast! I’m being masculine in boxers tonight, how very dull.
I should really change – this just won’t do.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m sure they’d look better in a tree 🙂
LikeLike
berlinda the sausage just made my life. thank you. thank you.
p.s. One of my search terms was +sweet berlinda. See, you even made it to MY search terms. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha, that’s so cool! ‘Sweet’ probably means they weren’t looking for me though 😉 Happy New Year to you Nancy!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That maid’s costume is very fetching! Wishing you plenty of German sausages in the New Year 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you very much! Wishing you cheesy happiness 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
What in the world are you wearing? WHAT IS THAT LACE HAT?!
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL! Ha, that was in Warwick Castle in England – you could put on the costumes 🙂
LikeLike
Haha, I love that “German poo shelf” is a thing!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You love it until you experience it 😉
LikeLike
Latvia didn’t have poop shelves? Russia does and it’s the worst.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Not that I ever saw! They are horrible, aren’t they!?
LikeLike
guy whats wrong with you? I have no problem cleaning up after myself but I hate the sensation of water splash against your butt that English shelf free toilets give you… so dont critisize continental bathrooms! hehe) bathrooms in UK were a total nightmare compared to what we`ve got…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha, Emmi, maybe they just take a bit of getting used to! Thankfully, I’m planning on being here for a while 😉
LikeLike
did you celebrate xmas in Germany? I love german xmas markets! its too bad they close too soon
LikeLiked by 1 person
btw internet searchers out there are weird. once I was doing research on child poverty and I started typing it in google and the first thing that came out was child “““ so yeah. that did freak me out a bit. things ppl search on the net! it creeps the hell out of me like I may be sitting next to a weirdo like this on the bus…
also the new list of search terms that lead to your blog are not half as creepy (and funny) as the old latvian blog. at least now nobody is looking for latvian grandpa cock on your blog anymore….
haha now they will:-)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha, I’m still number one on Google if you search for that! 🙂
LikeLike
They’re so good! I visited a few of them, but spent Christmas at home. Next year, I’ll stay here I think.
LikeLike
Happy New Year to you! And, my goodness, some people really put a lot of effort in searching for your blog 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’d say most of them are pretty disappointed they’re led to my blog 😉
Happy New Year to you too! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Maybe the ones who still have a problem putting a sentence together 😉 But I suspect most people are very happy to have found you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I dunno – if I was looking for women tied up, I’d feel a bit let down 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
*do germans working in america understand our humor*
I work for a German company here in NYC. When the karaoke machine comes out the German employees seem to know exactly what to do. 🙂 hoch fünf!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha, yeah, it seems like the Germans like a good sing-song! And I can get on board with that! 🙂
LikeLike
LOL at them all – particularly ‘that expat linda girl’ and the baby bourn one! haha I recently had ‘photos and or videos of people having their old garage doors replaced’ – how disappointed they must have been when they saw traditional doors in Taiwan.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No, no, maybe you inspired them! Think of how disappointed the gagging guy was when he was brought to my blog 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fun fact: I found out accidentally (reading something, actually) that there is the word ‘Berlinde’ in Portuguese. 🙂 It means ‘marbles’, the game.
Proof: http://pt.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berlinde
So, here are some marbles, if you’ve lost any. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ha ha! I think I lost most of them long ago! What a fun fact – thanks for that! 🙂
LikeLike
I’m a bit disappointed that hoch fünf didn’t show up in your search terms. Oh well, at least the pooh shelf made it 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, I think we need to give ‘hoch fünf’ a bit more time 🙂 If I bump into The Hoff over the next couple of days, I might ask him to start saying it 🙂
LikeLike
This just made my day! Not only did it link me to other posts I had somehow missed (ikea and I blame you for being too popular), it also made me giggle at the searches. I think weed feels like japan is my personal fave and my New Year’s resolution is to try and convince you to write a book in 2015
-hoch fünf fan club
LikeLiked by 1 person
OOOOH, the Hoch Fünf Fan Club – now there’s an idea! I’ve considered writing a book – maybe now there’s snow I’ll start 😉
Yours, Crazy Linda in IKEA 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear crazy Linda in ikea,
Sounds like the best fan club ever. Remember, I still want the latvian tshirts printed and now we can print high five shirts as well 😜
We have no snow here in Toronto, go figure.
Yours,
Crazy fan who feels like japan
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah, the ‘Horny too long time’ t-shirt – that was a fun time 🙂 I might need to get a hoch fünf hoody or fur coat printed up before the t-shirt 🙂 I can wear it out and check out the reactions of random Germans haha!
LikeLike
OMG. I’m gagging!
But not with “that” guy!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t think anyone’s with “that” guy 🙂
Do you get any stuff like this??
LikeLike
How about a post on “The Hoff” belting it out at Brandenburg Gate on Wed? Your stats will go through the roof!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think you have to stand there for around 7 hours waiting for it to start! And be surrounded by tourists 😉 I saw The Hoff once in Vegas – he was fantastic 🙂
LikeLike
In that case, you can report on Bill Kaulitz’s latest hairdo…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Just Googled him. Hard to know what the latest one is but I’m a bit scared anyway 😉
LikeLike
Bahahaha! Hoch fünf to you, too! I really hope you get that phrase going. I plan on busting that out on my German friends when we visit in May. I’m expecting a combination of cluelessness and hilarity to be etched across their faces.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That was pretty much the reaction I got haha! Will have to come up with some new baffling expressions for 2015 🙂
Hoch fünf to you!
LikeLike
Awe you’re just so darn popular! Good to get off the Xmas train wreck!
Happy new year!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Happy New Year to you too! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Guten Rutsch to you too, and be sure to show Berlin how amazing leopardskin really is…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I might give that a miss 😉 Although I have seen a bit of it around – I blame the Latvians 😉
LikeLike
Not sure what caught my eye in this video.. 🙂
LikeLike
Ha ha! That’s so weird! I’ve had that song in my head all day! She actually rocks that outfit 😉
LikeLike