Berlin, Germany, Humor, Humour

Hit me with your selfie stick

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Go on. I dare you. It’s not that I think people need an excuse to take down anybody seen with a selfie stick, but German law enforcement might look on me a bit more kindly if I were (properly) provoked.

OK, so this isn’t limited to Berlin; it could apply to any city that attracts a decent amount of tourists. But Berlin is my city and with 12 million visitors in 2014, I thought it might be about time to share my feelings with the twatty tourist who thinks that his or her idiotic face in front of some monument/building they haven’t even looked at is more important than me going about my daily business. (Clue: it isn’t.)

NEIN.
NEIN.

Back when I was earning rather a stupid amount of money for doing a not very important job, I used to travel by myself quite a lot. While I’m not a huge fan of seeing myself in photographs, after a while I began to realise that I had all of these amazing photos and I hadn’t appeared in one of them. I could have just downloaded them off the internet and pretended I’d been to all of those places – if I was that way inclined.

In the (good) old days, this was where some random helpful soul would step into your life. In halting “insert language here”, you’d attempt to communicate while pointing first at the camera and then at some attraction you wanted to ruin by standing in front of it. As a lone traveller, these little exchanges could make your day. To be fair, you probably still looked like a bit of a tool, but at least there was some kind of human interaction involved. And brightening up some auld lad’s holiday by convincing him that the blurry mess you were looking at was “really good! No, really! Perfect!” just added to the experience.

It seems that those days are gone though. Selfie sticks and pointless posing are taking over the world and it offends me enough to have caused the odd rant to those within earshot.

Me: God, I HATE selfie sticks. 

Poor long-suffering Nigel: I don’t know. They have their uses. 

Me: WHAT?! We can no longer be friends. 

PL-SN: No, wait. Hear me out. 

Me: (picking up handbag and preparing to vacate in dramatic fashion) Go on… 

PL-SN: Well, when I see someone with a selfie stick, I instantly know that they’re a total penis and I don’t have to waste any time on them. 

Me: Huh. You might actually have a point there. 

PL-SN: What are you doing? 

Me: Writing down “selfie stick = total penis” – I might use it in a blog post some day. 

PL-SN: You’re weird. 

Total penis. And me.
Total penis. And me.

Yes, I have been known to take the odd silly photo but at least I wasn’t in anyone’s way at the time. And I’d rather photograph a penis any day than look like one. Who’s with me?

94 thoughts on “Hit me with your selfie stick”

  2. This made me laugh. Before you waste all your best snark on selfie stick though… apparently taking “backies..” is the new trend.. I’m sure there’s a new stick in the making to make sure you get that perfect snap of your back at the Brandenburg Gate!

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  3. I have yet to see anyone with a selfie stick. I believe very few ppl actualy use it. Its probably useful for certain purposes like making photos in places that are hard to reach … I guess. however I have no idea who would actually walk around town like a tourist, enjoying the view, and then suddenly pull out a huge selfie stick… God that sounds really uncool and lame

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  4. I’m not against selfie-sticks and I don’t have one myself….yet. However, the kids of today ay. Whenever I’m surrounded by other people I think it’s a great ice-breaking tool to ask someone to take your photo, but do my German husband and half-German son want to make “contact” with others. Nope! It’s cool to take pictures yourself and not “distturb others!”
    You know that crazy lady jumping around and screaming like a banshee? That’s me. Surely I’m not disturbing you?!

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  5. I am not a selfie stick or selfie person. I cannot even stand the word. And here is something that is WEIRD: On a few occasions, I have seen people taking selfies, so I am the stranger that offers to take the picture for them. And you know what has happened? They look at me like I am kind of weird, and tell me “no thanks.” ha, ha, ha……REALLY? We are living in strange times…..

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    2. Hi Diana… We are one of those people!! Hahaha – in our defence, we have had people take photos of us before and there is nothing of what we want in the photo; our heads are chopped off, the cathedral is blurry in the background, we have full bodied photos with nothing in the background. And we always find it so awkward when people think they’ve done a great job and we have to linger a little longer until they move on and ask some else. We’re not saying everyone is a bad photographer but we also don’t like troubling people to take our photo.

      Anyway so about 6 years, we purchased a monopod and that solved our problems! We actually don’t refer them to “selfie sticks” LOL 😉 We have our “own” style and we prefer to set it up and then shoot it to our liking 🙂 Gee – writing that out now, it does makes us sound weird… hahahah

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      2. Ok….this is so funny! And I have to say that just a few weeks ago, a girl took about FIVE pics of me with my friend and they all came out blurry…..had to delete them all. So I guess I can understand. I might have to start doing this myself…..because I hate when a pic comes back great, apart from my double chin someone was so easily able to capture! 🙂

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  7. I’ve been seeing more and more people with selfie sticks and I just want to rip them out of their hands and beat them with it. Such a selfish and narcissistic trend! When my husband and I want a photo of us together, we do it the old fashioned way and ask a stranger. Often the photo is terrible, but the moment is much more memorable.

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  8. I’m still chortling over “Selfie stick = total penis.”

    In total agreement – even though we were total touristos recently still not a single selfie taken except one groupie in Vancouver by our host in his home where it was not in the least bit obnoxious. I haven’t even seen the results. 🙂

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  9. You’ll love this… a co-worker went on vacation in Venice. Standing in a mass of tourists on the Rialto Bridge, she took her selfie stick out of her bag to get a shot and, while she was distracted, a thief stole 500 euros from her bag.

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  10. Where did you find that selfie stick?! Maybe you would find selfie sticks more acceptable if they did look like dildoes …. At least watching people use them would be more entertaining 😈

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  11. Ok…I have been known to take a selfie…but normally to prove I was exercising and I have never felt the need to wave my phone around on a stick to do so and never when the scene I am in is in any way photogenic…

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  12. Guilty! But in my own defense, I can’t afford a photographer to do my head shots. I’ve bought 2 of them on Groupon and can’t figure out how to get the damn things to work! (If that’s any consolation. ) Also, I would NEVER use one in public. In fact, I didn’t know anyone did.

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    1. Ha ha, now you’ll probably see them everywhere – sorry 😉 Nice to hear from you again! Sure I’ve missed loads of your posts but I’ll try to catch up!

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  13. Nigel has a very, very valid point….I never minded having people take photos for me, or taking them for others. Though, my immediate urge upon selfie-stick sighting is to shove it up their tookas.

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    1. Ha ha! That’s my immediate reaction too! Thankfully I’m not around the major touristy places that often, but when my friend came to visit a couple of weekends ago…wow.

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      1. I think the selfie stick takes away the art in taking a perfect one….because when you’re tiny, it’s a real challenge! So you have short arms. Cry me a river.

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  15. Great post. I completely agree. I loathe the word ‘selfie’ and tried to avoid using it for the longest time, but unfortunately the narcissists won. I was also really hoping everyone would look at the selfie stick and think what a ridiculous useless contraption, but like you I noticed them slowly become ubiquitous. Luckily I have a DSLR so if I want my picture taken, I get to do the old fashioned thing and talk to a person. The trick is finding another tourist with a similar camera…if they’ve already got one, there’s no incentive to steal it.

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  16. I take selfies the old fashioned way – by stretching out my arm.I probably still look like a penis but at least my arms aren’t long enough to get in anyone’s way (she said hopefully).

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  17. Hahahahahahaha! That dildo! Noooooo!

    The opera house banned selfie sticks. I hate them. I also hate people taking my picture in the background of their own selfies. I have urges to walk around with face shaped signs and hold them up during their photo.

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  18. If I’m going to take a selfie, I’ve got an arm. If I can’t get the picture I want then 1) it wasn’t worth it or 2) I can open my mouth and ask someone to take a picture. I agree with Nigel, you do look like a total penis when you use one. Granted you look ridiculous taking a selfie in public too, but at least you aren’t taking up 12 extra feet of space and impeding in other people’s space

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  20. Ha! And then there were “ussies”. Apparently a new word recognized by the Urban dictionary, which describes a group photo with the photographer as one of the pictured. Ha! I’m just trying to figure out what an ussie stick would look like. Ha! Would it have multiple mounts so each person in the photo could have their own phone taking a picture? Ha!

    When you mentioned selecting someone trustworthy to take your picture, it brought back a funny memory. Some years ago I was entering an ice arena locally, after having dropped off the kids for a tournament and parking the car. I had one hand on the door when a car roared up the driveway behind me. An elderly woman wound down her window and called out to me:

    “Young Man! Young Man! [I was about 45 at the time] Come here please.”

    I walked over to her car door as she opened it.

    “Help me out.”

    I just mumbled: “Yes Ma’am” and helped her out of the car.

    “Get my walker out of the back.”

    Again: “Yes, Ma’am.”

    Walker in hand she slammed the back door, and passing me her car keys , said:

    “Park my car on the left side of the lot as close to the door as you can. Bring my keys to me in the first row of the arena – I don’t walk very well.”

    With that she left me standing beside her car, keys in hand with my mouth agape, as she thumped into the arena. Ha!

    On the bright side, I must have looked trustworthy – there’s that. 😀

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    1. Ha ha! Bossy old biddy! I love those kinds of stories 🙂 And I’m denying that ‘ussie’ is a word for as long as possible. This is the first I’ve heard of it, and I’d like to think it’s fiction for now 😉

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        1. Phew – the OED still has my back…

          No exact match found for “ussie” in British & World English

          Did you mean aussie?

          Did you mean ossie?

          Did you mean susie?

          Did you mean tussie?

          Did you mean mussie?

          Here are the nearest results from our other dictionaries:
          English dictionary
          aussie

          ossie

          susie

          tussie

          mussie

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  21. hahaa, the funny thing about selfie sticks is that when they first came out (around Christmas last year?), you got a strange look when using one. Now they are ubiquitous! I am totally on the fence about this.

    On the one hand, yes, you look like a penis and if you happen to also be a tourist trying to take a shot without a stick, they get in the way as you get jostled. Plus, they are another step away from human interaction. On the other, I do see their value as they do take quite a good photo and while its nice to have a blurry photo taken by a stranger, at least you don’t have to worry about your camera being stolen.

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  22. OMG. SO MUCH YES.
    I loathe the word “selfie” to start with, so when this whole thing (perfectly summarized by your response to Suzanne, btw) started, my eyes almost permanently rolled to the back of my head.

    But after our vacation in Cinque Terre, I seriously think those damn sticks should be outlawed. We saw a tourist filming his entire walk from the train station into one of the towns with his stick. And yes, he was absolutely stopping, turning around, hitting people with it, with absolutely zero regard for anyone around him. Thanks, you dick.

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    1. Ha ha! Yeah, I’ve seen people doing that too – without a hint of irony, not that that would help much! And the same on trains or buses where there’s nothing in the background but other dicks with selfie sticks!

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      1. Could not agree more. And I know that my family would maybe like to see me in a picture once in a while, but not just my giant head. People are just way way way too self-involved. So bizarre.

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        1. Ha, my mam’s always trying to get me in more photos! I tell her what’s seldom is wonderful – and it is in comparison to all the twattiness floating around today 😉

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      1. These are more like in the rhyme department. Care to write an angry beat poem? 🙂

        ‘I saw the best views of my monuments destroyed by selfies, tourists hysterical naked,..’

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          1. Yes, German might actually provide you with more rhymes, like ‘abgefickt’ (don’t google images with this one). 😉

            Just don’t forget to read it in the streets of Berlin and make a video about it. 🙂

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