Road Trip: From Schechen to Salzburg

With the Germans on the road in their camper vans or off stealing sunbeds in Mallorca, there’s nobody left in Berlin for me to teach so it seemed like as good a time as any to take a holiday myself.

Our first main destination was to be Salzburg but that’s a bit of a monster drive from Berlin so we decided to overnight in a pretty little Bavarian village called Schechen.

Our little Gasthaus :)
Our little Gasthaus 🙂

You knew you were in Bavaria the moment you walked into the bedroom…

God is watching you, you unmarried sinners...
God is watching you, you unmarried sinners…

Still, as much as they like a good pray, the Bavarians are also rather partial to a good party, which is why you shouldn’t be overly surprised when you come across something like this:

Chuckle. Bavarians.

Anyway, after a walk around the town centre (approximately 2.5 minutes), we headed back to our Gasthaus which also had rather a nice beer garden. It seemed to be a pretty popular spot with the locals – it turned out to be the only spot – so we sipped our drinks and tried to understand what in the hell the other guests were saying. Bavarian, if you didn’t know, is not at all like “normal German” so it was a total mystery to both of us.

I ordered a Schnitzel which turned out to be the best one I’ve ever had. But still, I’m no match for German portions and the Schnitzel won, as bloody usual. It was while I was trying to wash it down with wine that I was attacked by the most vicious mosquitoes I’ve ever come across. Maybe they couldn’t understand me telling them to “Fuck Off!” in normal German and English so I ended up being bitten 10 times in under 10 minutes. We retreated to our room and hoped God would protect us as we slept…

The next morning, after a gigantic German breakfast, we were on the road again. With the sun shining and the temperature around 30 degrees, we decided to stop off at Lake Chiemsee, which was absolutely lovely and jam-packed with frolicking Germans. Clearly this is what they’re up to when they’re supposed to be at English lessons…

After almost burning my arse off on a seat and almost freezing my feet off in the water, we set off for Salzburg. This is where the Bavarian countryside starts to get really pretty and I was ooh-ing, aah-ing and singing the whole way. Lucky Manfredas…

DSC01515
Ooh…aah…

Just before the border crossing, we pulled over to buy the sticker you need to have on display if you want to drive on the Austrian Autobahn. Manfredas also pulled two hi-vis vests out of the boot – seemingly you need to have them in the car to drive in Austria. (And that’s it for “Linda’s Random Facts You Probably Aren’t Interested In” – for now anyway.)

We arrived at our AirBnB apartment at around 2pm and met with the cute Polish-Russian host couple, who gave us a little guided tour, handed over the keys and then headed off to Italy for a couple of days. After a quick freshen-up, we hit the streets. The flat was in a great location so after around five minutes, we were in the centre of the Old City.

Cute idea!
Cute idea!

Salzburg has to be one of the most dreamily-located cities in Europe – it lies on the River Salzach, is renowned for its Baroque architecture and is surrounded by the Alps on all sides. Some guy called Mozart was also born here…

DSC01520The city is known for being incredibly rainy but we were in luck and it was blue skies all the way. After lunch at the perfectly named “Wein & Co”, we caught the bus to Hellbrunn, home to a palace, a park and trick fountains. I’d read about the trick fountains online and was intrigued so we bought tour tickets (you can only see them on a guided tour) and prepared to be amazed…

What I wasn’t prepared for was how wet I would get. While you’re admiring the fountains, the tour guide sneaks over and switches on jets of water that hit you from all sides. You never know where they’re coming from next so it’s either a laugh or a squeal a minute. The best you can try to do is find a dry spot to stand in but there’s really no way to avoid getting wet – which is a bit scary when you’ve got a nice camera or phone in your hand. One Chinese girl screamed her way through the entire tour, which was massively entertaining.

We didn't volunteer but also didn't escape...
We didn’t volunteer but also didn’t escape…
Thankfully not a trick fountain.
Thankfully not a trick fountain.

After drying off a bit in the park, we caught the bus back into town for some dinner and to find somewhere to watch the opening match of the Bundesliga. We settled upon my favourite kind of bar – dodgy – at the end of our street. There was no football, only some local characters and a semi-toothless Indian owner.

We chatted a bit with the locals who weren’t asleep and despite me calling one man’s tattoo a “tramp stamp”, we were invited back the next evening for a drink and a tour of where the locals go on a Saturday night. On a trip to the unlockable ladies’ loo, I came across something you probably don’t find in the guidebooks…

A SEX GAG MACHINE!
A SEX GAG MACHINE!

Of course, I couldn’t resist. I’m not sure when the last time it was used was but Manfredas told me every eyebrow in the bar raised when they heard the “clunk, clunk” of the coin dial. Still, I wasn’t disappointed:

Clearly enchanted by my cackling, the owner gave me a quite nice beaded necklace he found in a drawer.

Dodgy bars are always the most fun.

 

 

 

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43 thoughts on “Road Trip: From Schechen to Salzburg”

    1. It is pretty Jesusy alright – especially when you’re coming from Godless Berlin! But I was expecting it so it wasn’t a real surprise for me! Jesus, beer, Lederhosen – that’s Bavaria 😉

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  1. I went to see the trick fountains when I was 7… there was a dog on our tour and each time the fountains stopped he would shake himself off and we’d have even more water come our way

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wonder why you don’t stay in the middle of your trip, e.g. in the Bayreuth area. You drive 630km from Berlin to Schechen to overnight only 95km west from Salzburg!?
    A look in the map give a possible explanation: West of Schechen the libidinous Tuntenhausen is situated! 😉

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      1. Also thank you.
        Tuntenhausen, Tittenkofen and Strullendorf build the easygoing three in Bavaria. Their twin towns are Wixhausen in Hesse and Fucking in Austria. 😎

        Liked by 1 person

  3. There are trick fountains at a park in Atlanta where water shoots from one fountain to another. You never know when the water will be set to leap. Many unsuspecting people have been caught standing between the fountains at the wrong time and receive a drenching, myself included! 🙂
    It sounds like you (and your camera) stayed dry.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sex gag… huh. Only you could find these things!!

    I loved Salzburg when we were there! We went for New Year so I need to visit again when it’s actually warm. I am slightly biased when it comes to Austria though – I think the whole country is great!

    Yeah, Bavarian is awful! Nearly as hard to understand as Swiss German (but only nearly. Nothing beats Swiss German!).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha, Manfredas agrees with you on that one! I love Austria too – or at least what I’ve seen of it so far! Great people, service, food, wine and it’s just so damn beautiful!
      Sex gags – every bar should have them 🙂

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  5. A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters…
    The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in awhile “the light would turn off”.
    Each time the light would go out,the place would erupt into cheers.
    However,when the revelers saw the nun,the room went dead silent.
    She walked up to the bartender,and asked,”May I please use the restroom?”
    The bartender replied,”OK,but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.”
    “Well,in that case,I’ll just look the other way,”said the nun.
    So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
    After a few minutes,she come back out,and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
    She went to the bartender and said,”Sir,I don’t understand,why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”
    “Well,now they know you’re one of us,”said the bartender.
    “Would you like a drink?”
    “No thank you,but,I still don’t understand,:said the puzzled nun.
    “You see,”laughed the bartender,”every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue,the light go out.

    Mīļi sveicieni no Dublinas!

    Liked by 3 people

      1. TONS of weirdness! lol, I could go on for days about that! haha! It wasn’t too bad of an adjustment. Once in a while I miss something like food or a certain spa hotel in the Alps. The old world charm is missing from my life here but otherwise, I settled right back in. I think I was so done and over it right as we left that I just really needed to get back “home.”

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