Manfredas: Do you fancy a couple of days in Hannover? We’d be staying with my parents…
Me: Oh God.
But I agreed to go; the chance to see a typical German family household with alles in Ordnung trumped my nervousness at having to try to be “normal” in a foreign language for an entire weekend. I made Manfredas stop at a supermarket close to their house so that I could pick up some flowers. I figured that I could at least make a good first impression even if it was going to be all downhill from there.
Me: What kind of flowers does she like?
Manfredas: I dunno. Everything?
Me: Sigh.
We arrived just after sunset and were greeted at the door by Mr and Mrs Manfredas. I needn’t have worried – they couldn’t have been nicer and more welcoming. We were ushered into the dining room where Abendbrot (evening bread) was waiting for us. Abendbrot, as far as I can tell, is basically breakfast without the jam and Nutella. Yes Germans, your secret is out…
Me: (eyeing a suspicious-looking grey mass on a plate) What is THAT?
Manfredas: Leberwurst (liver sausage).
Me: Jesus.
I excused myself to go to the bathroom, which was so clean you could have eaten your Leberwurst off the floor. His dad had rigged up a radio to the light switch so it was a very nice, musical pee. I made sure to compliment Mr Manfredas on his ingenuity when I got back downstairs.
After a little more small talk – yes, Germans do that – we were off to visit Manfredas’ friend and his wife. We sat in the “party kitchen”, drank wine and good whiskey and I managed to not come across as a total idiot – I think.
The next morning, after a musical shower and a massive breakfast, we hopped on the U-Bahn to the football stadium where Hannover 96 were playing Sankt Pauli. As the Germans are capable of having ideas, the cost of the trip to and from the stadium is included in the season ticket in a bid to encourage people to leave their cars at home.
The weather was a bit shit but Mrs Manfredas had been nice enough to lend me a practical German raincoat. As we approached security, I prayed that she had no illicit substances in her pockets. Having been briskly frisked and having my phone charger taken off me, we were in. The match was sold out and the atmosphere was buzzing. Sechsundneunzig – immer nett und freundlich. Various chants were being sung and I sung along with what I imagined the right words were.
Me: Are they saying “Ole asshole”?
Manfredas: Ha, NEIN! “Ole HSV!” (pronounced like “Ha ess fow” in German so an easy mistake to make…)
Hannover won 2-0 in the end and the stadium was a testament to what simple creatures men really are.
We met up with another of Manfredas’ friends on the way out and proceeded to the Hannover version of Oktoberfest. It was a bit like Las Vegas on steroids.
We managed to stick the noise and drunkenness for one drink and then walked to the old city to find somewhere a bit more civilised. The German love of sausage appears to be strong in Hannover.
Manfredas brought me to Gosch, which is where the Hannover wannabes hang out. I looked a little out of place amid the primped and preened ladies in my over-sized red raincoat, jeans and trainers but it’s Germany so nobody really cares. Still, I wanted to find somewhere a little more “me” (i.e. dodgy) so we left after one.
Walking past a bar where women with partially shaved heads and tattooed necks were roaring out the window at some poor bloke on a bike, I decided we’d found it.
We stayed for as long as I could bear listening to the Hannover Hyena laughing toothily at everything I said and then went for a bite to eat.
Sunday morning was sunny and warm and, when I got downstairs, Manfredas and his dad were sitting in the garden putting the world to rights. I decided there and then that my mission in life was to become a German pensioner – these people know how to live.
After another huge breakfast, Manfredas, his dad and I took a stroll to the nearby Blauer See, not five minutes from the house. Of course, this being Germany, there was also a beer garden.
Manfredas: Do you want something to drink?
Me: Ummmm.
Manfredas: My dad’s going to have a beer.
Me: OK then, I’ll have a glass of wine.
It was 11.55.
We sat and chilled for an hour or so, sunning ourselves and enjoying the peace and quiet. I made witty conversation – in my head – and Manfredas and his dad pretended that what I said in reality was actually correct German.
We all went for a delicious lunch in a Croatian restaurant and then it was time to pack up and get on the Autobahn back to Berlin.
I can’t say how the Manfredases felt about me, but I’m a huge fan of theirs. From the moment I arrived, I “felt myself at home” as the Germans would say – the musical bathroom was just a bonus.
Big deal meeting the parents!!! And Hannover sounds awesome – beer gardens at every turn, big crowd, sausages, prostitutes 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
What more could a girl ask for!? Not sure they have a massive cock though – a lot of cities are a bit lacking in that department 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wonder if it’s lacking or a feature 🙂 Must’ve been built by someone that was convinced size matters 🙂
LikeLike
Yep! I remember meeting my parents-in-law for the first time. The dad spoke a bit of English, the mum not really…!
Anyway, it was Xmas and there’s was a huge impressive spread of German delicacies, and all the very best stuff. And what did I do? I left the dinner table and vomitted it all out in the bathroom!!
And nope, it wasn’t what you’re thinking ‘cos firstly, we were in seperate bedrooms, and secondly, #onlychild only came into this world 6 years later, when we were married and everything…!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha! Well, it sounds like you definitely made an impression anyway! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I always wondered why fans shout, “Ole!”
“Ole, asshole” is much more interesting. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I thought so too haha! Germany are playing tomorrow so I’ll try it out. 😉
LikeLike
I’m sure the Manfredas clan would be more than happy to have you back! I suspect you are much easier to get along with than you let on (but we can keep that a secret between you and me). I love the musical bathroom … his dad is a genius 🙂 That said, why is the cabinet opposite the bathtub so low to the ground? Or is that an optical illusion? Or are the Manfredas very short?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha! No, I was definitely the shortest person in the house! I find everything in German flats so hard to reach. Everything is designed for tall strapping Germans, not teeny Irish women 😉 Yeah, I miss the musical bathroom – I’m like ‘Hallo, where’s my intro?’ whenever I walk into a bathroom now – very disappointing 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Phew – Mr and Mrs Manfredas sound like great people – it could easily have gone the other way!
LikeLiked by 1 person
So easily! And believe me, I’d envisioned that too! Figured I could always get the train or the bus back to Berlin if the worst had come to the worst 😉 Midnight flit haha!
LikeLike
Had you planned your escape out of the window using knotted sheets? 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Germans always have plenty of bed linen and stuff like that so it would be the perfect getaway 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
The Brits and Irish are pretty good at escaping, especially tunnelling under shower cubicals or under wooden vaulting horses
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sounds like you’ve got some experience in this area 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m a good boy, some of the time
LikeLiked by 1 person
Not that I’ve seen 😉 But good is boring anyway 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh this takes me back… to drinking hommade schnapps with Andreas’ dad. Who didnt speak a word of English 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha, yeah, that’s even more difficult! I guess Andreas had to act as translator or you just communicated through means of schnapps 😉 Either way, somehow it works!
LikeLike
Just the schnapps worked!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good old alcohol 😉
LikeLike
And now for something completely different (and a little bit smart- shiting): 😉
The forename Manfred comes from Alemannic “man fridu” and means “man of peace”!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, he is a pretty peaceful guy!
LikeLike
Abendbrot is basically breakfast without the jam and Nutella. GENIOUS! And so very true…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha, yeah, I had to check my watch when we walked in to make sure it hadn’t taken us all night to get there and I’d just slept through it 😉 What gave it away was that it’s also more acceptable to have a wine or beer with Abendbrot 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
I actually don’t mind because bread with something on top of it has to be my favourite meal. Always.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha! Same – I live off “things on toast or bread” 🙂
LikeLike
I still can’t get over the cakelessness of it all…
LikeLiked by 2 people
Have a nice lump of Leberwurst instead 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love it 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I could hardly look at it let alone eat it 😉
LikeLike
No “Lütje Lage”? I would’ve thought that combo of beer and schnaps would be right up your street? Ask Manfredas to explain – it’s consumed in a very special way. Yes, they are mad, those Germans 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha! I just googled it – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCBzXPg3W3Q – looks like you could make a right mess of that! Maybe next time! If the Manfredas clan have me back!
LikeLike
Impressive though, don’t you think? Quite creative for the Germans…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha! I’m always impressed when it comes to the German creativity with drinks! Don’t think anyone else could come up with Feuerzangenbowle either! 😉
LikeLike
That’s the absolute classic. Makes me proud to be German… 😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
So much fun to make too 🙂 Must see if I can get Korn in Berlin – could be worth an experiment… 😉
LikeLike