German men, Germany, Humor, Humour

Pee-Pal

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One night, Manfredas and I were sitting in the local bar. (I must stop starting posts like this…) Anyway, after a while, Ulf showed up and the three of us started chatting.

Me: (Something absolutely hilarious and witty)

Manfredas: I need to pee.

Ulf: Oh, so do I. You go first.

Manfredas: No, you go first.

Ulf: No, you. 

Manfredas: No, you.

Me: For the love of all that’s holy – why don’t you just go together??

Manfredas & Ulf: NEIN!

Me: Why not? 

Ulf: Because we know each other. 

Me: But that’s just stupid. So, what, just because you know each other’s names, you can never go to the toilet together? 

Manfredas & Ulf: JA! 

Ulf: It might be OK for women to go to the bathroom together but not for men.

Me: I never go to the toilet with other women but whatever. So, if you don’t know the other guy’s name, it’s OK? 

Manfredas: Exactly. You know my brother-in-law, Lamprecht?

Me: Yes…

Manfredas: Well, we could never, EVER, go to the toilet together. 

Me: And your dad?

Manfredas: NIEMALS! 

Me: But I just don’t get it. I mean, you shower with your hockey or football team and everyone has their dangly bits on display.

Manfredas: Totally different. 

Me: Erm… Because there’s nothing coming out of the willies at the time? Is that the rule?

Manfredas: (looking like he wants the earth to open up and swallow him)

Me: So, every guy in this bar is just looking at who’s going into the toilet so that they don’t accidentally end up in there with someone whose name they know? 

Ulf: Pretty much. Crap, Werner has just gone in. We’ll both have to wait. 

Me: Germans…

 

 

 

 

35 thoughts on “Pee-Pal”

  1. Hmm I did not know this. Is it a thing here? .. Have to find out from husband. Well actually I have seen my friends coming out of toilet chatting..So I guess it isnt the problem here.

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  2. So they should only go the bars with strangers … or use fake names … or, for goodness sake, use the stalls if they don’t want to be comparing each other’s willy. Or wear diapers so it would no longer be an issue.
    By the way, apparently I’m 1/4 German. My dad’s mum and her family came to the US around 1902 from Bavaria. I’ve been harboring knowledge that my grandmother came over when she was 16, but I thought she was alone. Somehow, knowing her parents and some her sibs came over with her makes me feel my German blood a little more strongly (even if it is all in my head). I’ve been playing around with Ancestry.com which is a real time suck, especially when there tends to be lots of kids in everyone’s family. On my mom’s side, I have two sets of great-great grandparents from Ireland :).

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    1. Ha ha! Sounds like the perfect mix! I feel my German side getting stronger all the time even though I have no German roots at all – that I know of anyway! Love the thought of all German men wearing diapers 😉

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      1. There’s supposed to be English and maybe some Dutch on my mom’s side, but I haven’t gotten that far yet. My mom is one of 12 children so I have a plethora (and I do mean to use that words) of cousins. I hardly know anyone on my father’s side any more. I think it’s a shame that his side of the family is more or less forgotten. Thank goodness for technology 😉

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        1. I feel so boring! I’m just Irish-Irish as far as I know! Guess I have to make up for that by living in ALL the countries 😉 My mam’s family was really big too – just not so big into reproduction!

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  3. Lol! Mind you, I sometimes go to the bathroom with other girls, but 3/4 of the time we’re chatting away. You have to you know, so that we don’t actually hear the peeing!
    p.s. I know a few places that are unisexual. Oh, and don’t get me started on the communal showers. EVERYONE is naked. And I. JUST. CAN’T. NEIN!

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  4. well, new London building seem to have gone to total privacy and there is no more Zusammenpinkeln of any kind. In the office we have individual booth with all things included and uni-sex. And it seems modern man is capable of learning, i almost never enter to a raised toilet seat! A-mazing!
    PS since i always wonder about the secrets behind men’s toilet doors… do you recon they carry on conversations from one booth to another like we women do?

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  5. Thank goodness it’s just about men going (or not) to the toilet together… when I saw the title I feared it was going to about one of those devices to help women pee standing up.

    I’m pretty sure there have been times that more than one of my male friends was absent from the group at once (yes, Germans!). I don’t think they would ever actually go to the toilet *together*, but they definitely wouldn’t hesitate to go in there if there was a chance another friend might have already gone. Maybe it’s a Berliner thing?

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        1. Ha ha ha! That’s alright. I’m the same! Last Wednesday, I got a bit bored of the conversation and started correcting the menu in the place. But come on, BA instead of BAR in the first line!?

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      1. I sent my husband a link to your post and asked whether he also feels this way. The reaction he e-mailed me back (I translate from Dutch):

        “The things you talk about…! 🙂
        I haven’t really paid attention to this issue before. It doesn’t really matter to me who else is around but I don’t like it when there are a lot of people around or when the space is too small. I also never liked taking showers with others… except for with you… but that gets a little tight with the space … ;)”

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        1. Ha ha! I guess he didn’t realise you were going to post this online!! But what a sweet answer – he sounds like a real keeper! Just get him to build a bigger shower and you’re sorted 😉

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  9. Hmmm… in Germany, you’d never tell a person how much you earn (same as in many other countries, I guess, but not in all of them). Anyway I can see a parallel here: Once you’ve seen somebody else’s – be it payslip or Schniedel – and theirs is bigger than yours, you can never EVER get over that…?

    OK, that still leaves the locker room/showers scenario unexplained, but maybe it’s because you never see other people’s goods quite that close-up (steam, lather, etc) and in such perfect comparative positioning as you do when lined up next to each other against the urinals…?

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    1. Manfredas said that it’s clear you’ve never stood beside a man at a urinal… 😉 Schniedel is my new favourite word – Schniedel, Schniedel, Schniedel 🙂

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  11. 😂😂😂 My husband, American by birth but has lived in the Uk for 40 years, says “it’s not a problem any longer”. So it obviously was at one time 😉

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