Hi-diddle-dee-dee, a hermit’s life for me

As Corona and the madness that goes with it spreads, I have decided to take myself out of circulation for a couple of weeks. This is for two excellent reasons:

  1. I do not want to get the Corona virus.
  2. I do not want to have to fight with crazy people over toilet paper. (I wonder how long these people will be sitting in their toilet paper fortresses before they realise they’ve forgotten to buy food and water…)
Happiness is…

However, it turns out that the hermit’s life actually suits me down to the ground so, in case anyone else is struggling with their period of isolation (whether self-imposed or not), I thought I would share some of my positive experiences.

  • Aside from the obvious benefits of not having to brush my hair or wear any make-up (as evidenced in the photo), choosing what to wear for the day has now been boiled down to two options – do I stay in my pajamas or do I put on my tracksuit? In fact, when all of this blows over, I’m not sure I’ll be able to readjust to wearing shoes again.
Happy feet
  • This is probably more one for the ladies (but who’s to judge) – it’s time to let the girls out! Yes, if you’re only wearing a pajama or tracksuit top, putting on a bra seems kind of pointless so feel free to let your boobies breathe.
  • Showering is optional – as is the need to pluck or shave anything. When you’re home alone with nobody else to smell you or cut their hands on your leg hair, you can let your hygiene standards droop as low as your titties. For online meetings and appointments, you only really have to make half an effort – Profi on the top, party on the bottom.
  • Thanks to Corona, or Covid-19 to give it its gangsta name, I’m learning new vocabulary, both in German and English. Hamsterkรคufe is used to describe panic buying in German and hamstern is also a verb, meaning to hoard. (Don’t you just love this language?) And, thanks to the beautiful Trevor Noah for coining “pandumbic”. Unfortunately, I fear that the pandumbic will continue long after the pandemic has shuffled off its mortal coil.
  • Speaking of the fight against stupidity, if you only have yourself to talk to, you might find that your conversations have actually got more scintillating than when you interacted with the wider world. “What’s that, me?” “Ha ha ha, God, I’m hilarious…”
  • Consider joining an online gym. There’s nothing like a German shouting at you to “GIB GAS!!!” to increase your motivation levels. I’ve been working out every day (for at least 2 days now) – in the dark, obviously, so my neighbours can’t see me huffing around my living room, red-faced and sweaty, with boobs a-flopping. (This is the one time the no-bra thing isn’t a great idea.)ย  The idea is that I will emerge like a beautiful butterfly in a few weeks time – after I’ve showered, plucked and shaved, of course. The other advantage is that my exercise mat makes a rather pleasing farty noise when my back hits it at just the right angle and speed. Who says exercise can’t be fun?
  • And finally, think of all the money and time you’re saving. No lengthy commutes, no going to bars or clubs, no going anywhere really. Instead of sitting in a noisy, overcrowded pub, shouting at your friends over overpriced drinks, you can get quietly smashed in the comfort of your own home for a fraction of the price. In fact, it might even be recommended as who knows if Covid-19 can survive in a person who’s more alcohol than human? Might be worth an experiment.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for now. How are you coping? Personally, I’m off to sit on my sofa with a glass of wine, waiting for the day when Corona is just a crap beer again. I raise a virtual glass to you all and hope that you stay happy and healthy.

And please, don’t beat anyone up over toilet roll. Beat them with toilet roll – the world will be like one big Corona pillow fight. Wonderful.

 

 

 

 

 

39 thoughts on “Hi-diddle-dee-dee, a hermit’s life for me”

  1. Welcome to my life! Working from home allows me to be braless, shoeless, smelly, and talking to myself ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m fairly socially distant anyway, and we can still go to markets and retail stores here. I hope you are enjoying your time off!

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    1. Ha ha! How quickly we plummet ๐Ÿ˜‰ Yeah, it’s not really time off as such as I have plenty of work (for now) and I guess I have the advantage of being used to being at home by myself a lot! We can still go out here too – for essentials or exercise – but any gathering over two people is now banned. Where’s it all going to end is the big question!

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  2. How are you holding up five days in? The forecast for Germany looks pretty grim… We in Russia are doing a fair amount of social distancing but not really isolating, save for people returning from affected areas. But, it all might change soon…

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    1. 8 days in and peachy! Though I can still pop out to the shops if I need to. That might change from tomorrow. Yeah, I think Germany was a bit slow to react so hopefully Russia learns from that mistake! You working from home?

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      1. I am, or taking well-distanced walks, but for me it’s not much of a chance. The last 2.5 yrs I have traveled for work so much that I can run everything from my phone no problem. I am afraid we are not learning the lesson of europe and will also see a much heavier spike/toll in coming weeks ๐Ÿ˜ฆ everything that is happening – martial law, closed borders, lockdowns… it’s surreal. It’s like a dystopian novel we never actually believed would come to pass.

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        1. Ha, I know what you mean! I’m still not sure the reality of it has hit me yet – could take a few more weeks in isolation before it does. But so far, so good – fingers crossed it stays that way!

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    1. Ha! Glad I’m not the only one so appreciative of the bra thing – I haven’t worn one since Thursday and the ladies feel wonderful ๐Ÿ˜‰ I’m enjoying watching the garden outside blooming a bit more every day ๐Ÿ™‚ Happy siege to you and thanks for commenting!

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          1. Goof for you:) I’m actually not struggling as much as thinking oh nooo I might struggle very soon, what then? Now its more a case of postponing an inevitable claustrophobia attack:)

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            1. I hope you actually like where you live – very important these days! I’m lucky enough to have a little garden house and can chat with neighbours as they pass by (from a safe distance) ๐Ÿ˜‰ Also set up for working from home as I do that a lot anyway – feel sorry for anyone working off their coffee table ๐Ÿ˜‰

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  3. Oh my god, Germans were hoarding TP??? I thought it was just an American thing. Has the whole world gone insane? Sigh. Well, sounds like youโ€™re snug as a bug in a rug. Over here in the US, weโ€™re still playing catch-up which means weโ€™ll never catch up. Itโ€™s pretty distressing how slow the government has been to act, and itโ€™s barely done anything. You enjoy your hermit time and stay safe ๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ˜Š

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    1. Yay! Lovely to hear from you! Was hoping you’d see the post ๐Ÿ™‚ Germany was pretty slow in the beginning but Christ, it escalated quickly! We’re not in mandatory lockdown right now but I reckon it’s coming. Luckily, I LOVE where I live right now so am happy as Larry to stay at home ๐Ÿ™‚ Not even missing pubs to be honest! Haven’t worn a bra or make-up since last Thursday haha! Although I may get beaten up by my neighbours at some point as I posted this in our WhatsApp group so if the Germans go truly nuts, they know where the toilet paper is ๐Ÿ˜‰ Supermarket I was in today was still empty. All pasta also gone but oddly, sauce still there – makes you wonder what the Germans are putting on their pasta… Pasta a la TP? Boggles the mind ๐Ÿ˜‰ Anyway, great to hear from you and you stay safe too! You look brilliant by the way – great photo! No need to hide behind a toilet paper fortress in your case ๐Ÿ˜‰

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      1. Youโ€™re so funny! Thank you for your comments about my photo ๐Ÿ™‚ Actually Iโ€™m going to see a hair stylist tomorrow and I might get it all cut off ๐Ÿ˜ฌ The hair style I have now is not wash-and-wear. If I donโ€™t blow-dry it and use a straightening iron, it comes out thick and frizzy like hay. Goodness, Iโ€™ll be 63 this year … I donโ€™t have time for fussing with my hair, no matter how vain I am (and Iโ€™m fairly vain ๐Ÿ˜). So where have you been? You havenโ€™t posted for months and I was getting worried again. I might have to demand that you make regular check-ins on your blog, even if you just post a photo of TP, so I know youโ€™re alive and well-ish ๐Ÿ™‚

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        1. Ha, Von Grady and the Toilet Paper Chronicles ๐Ÿ˜€ There was some stuff going on with my family which left me feeling rather uninspired creatively but I’m sure I’ll pop in from time to time, although not with my previous regularity! Spending a lot of time on the laptop working so most evenings, I just want to shut off! Yeah, I badly need a haircut too – needed it before all this happened but was putting it off. Going to look like Cousin Itt when I reemerge now ๐Ÿ˜‰

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  4. Glad you’re buckling in up there and sounds like you’ve found your peak comfort level! All my classes are now online too so I’m not planning on going too far for the foreseeable future. I’m definitely into the stretchy pants part, but I have to shower daily or I feel like a slug. Also it would be just my luck for a group to say “hey, let’s use cameras today!” whenever I decide to forgo it. Stay sane in the next few weeks… and healthy!

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        1. Ha, good for you! Thankfully I had showered yesterday before I took that photo – brushing my hair and putting on make-up seemed like overkill though ๐Ÿ˜‰ Plus most of me is hidden behind toilet roll ๐Ÿ˜€

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  5. I checked our stash of toilet rolls and we have an amazing amount. Five rolls that are dwindling. Our local supermarket looks normal, apart from Italians queuing!!!! Who would have thought it would take a virus to teach Italians how to for a queue.

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    1. I only had four and, based on the way things were going last week, I started to get a bit nervous! Now have 14 which will keep me going for a while ๐Ÿ˜‰ Some German stores are insisting on people paying by card so their staff don’t have to touch money from grubby customers – who’d have thought it would take a virus to drag ze Germans into the 21st century!?

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    1. Yeah, I have to say I was a bit worried towards the end of last week – 3 different supermarkets and no toilet paper, bread, milk, long-life milk, fruit and veg, canned goods… Thankfully LIDL was restocked this morning although things were moving fast and everyone had a full trolley and at least one 10-pack of loo roll – it’s nuts. But at least I think the Germans are too restrained to start getting into fist fights over the stuff ๐Ÿ˜‰

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  6. I’m off work this week so I’ll be enjoying having plenty of time to read since I can’t go anywhere anyway. It will be interesting to see how I feel next week when I’m back at work – usually I try to go out on my lunch break to get some fresh air and a change of scenery.

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    1. Can’t you work from home? Most people I know here are doing that right now. You might have to change up your routine a bit – start work at midnight and go for your lunchtime stroll at 4 a.m. when no-one else is around ๐Ÿ˜‰

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        1. Ha, ah yeah, that makes sense then! I work from home a lot but also have a couple of in-company lessons which normally force me to shower and get out of my pjs. I can see myself morphing into a ball of fluff over the next five weeks ๐Ÿ˜‰ Have also never done online classes before so the next few weeks will be a learning curve! Maybe you can just drop yourself various places on google maps and it will feel like you’re there ๐Ÿ˜‰

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