Having lived in Germany for a while, it’s rare that I’m still surprised by anything. The German bedding system, the massive signs for “Dildo King”, the early morning beer drinkers, the speed at which supermarket cashiers operate, the poo shelf, the reverse poo shelf…
All of these things I take in my stride. But I do still like to be surprised on occasion, and this is exactly what happened at a service station on the way back from Münster.
Manfredas: I got you a present.
Me: From the toilet?
Manfredas: Well, yes, but I think you’ll like it…
He was right. It turns out that for the bargain price of around €5, you can make me the happiest girl on earth. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you – the “TravelPussy”.
Once my initial mirth had subsided, I just had to take a look inside. I’m not quite sure what I was expecting but it certainly wasn’t this.
Me: What the hell?
Manfredas: What the hell?
Clearly, I would need to read the instructions which, apart from being enlightening, were also one of the funniest things I have ever read.
- Open up TravelPussy. (Sure, a closed TravelPussy is no use to anyone.)
- Pour a very small amount of TravelPussy-Gel into the “vagina” and spread it. (The quotation marks had me in tears before I even got to the word “spread”.)
3. Turn TravelPussy upside down and fill gently with warm water or simply blow air into it. IMPORTANT! Make sure the water is not too hot, check with your finger! (I really am not making this up.)
4. Place some TravelPussy-Gel on your penis and you are ready for a wonderful experience. (I wonder.)
5. After use, empty TravelPussy and leave it to domestic waste – not in toilet! (Yes, please guys, have some respect for your Pussy – not in toilet.)
The environmentally-aware among you will be pleased to hear that TravelPussy is made from eudermic and eco-friendly material. TravelPussy-Gel does not contain any paraffin which is good news for those who fancy a smoke while playing with their Pussy. But be careful, it also does not contain any contraceptive or spermicide so you run the risk of knocking up your sandwich bag-hot water bottle if you don’t use a condom. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Over the course of my Saturday night out, the topic of TravelPussy came up. (OK, I brought it up.) Proving that it (she?) still had the power to surprise, it emerged that my dear friend, Nigel, had actually bought a TravelPussy. “For the laugh”, you understand.
Me: How would you sum up the experience?
Nigel: Confusing. Disappointing.
Me: Sorry, I’ll stop laughing eventually.
If you want to see confusion and disappointment in picture form, I highly recommend clicking on this link:
At the risk of lowering the tone of this blog any further, I leave you with this profound thought for the evening.
You are welcome.