What brings you here?

For the season that’s in it, I decided to write about something totally unrelated because, let’s face it, I think most of us are Christmassed out at this stage. I don’t think I was ever particularly Christmassed in, to be honest.

Instead I thought I’d write about something far more interesting – me. Or, more precisely, my blog. Expat Eye on Germany has been going for around four months now and I’m pretty pleased with it. While I never expect it to reach the dizzying heights of “popularity” that the Latvian blog reached, I am actually quite happy about that. Pissing off two million Latvians is manageable; pissing off 85 million Germans is a different story.

So, with blog hits heading for 25,000 and close to 3,000 comments, let’s have a look at some of the weird and wonderful search terms that have brought people here.

that expat linda girl

I think the Latvians might be looking for me…

berlinda the expat sausage

I’m offended. And also hungry.

crazy linda in ikea

Yes, that wasn’t one of my finer moments. I still haven’t changed my mind about the place though. NEVER AGAIN.

how many time couple fuking for baby bourn

I’m not really sure why Google sent you to me. I’m hardly an expert on procreation. Still, if I could give you one piece of advice, it would be – don’t procreate. The world has enough morons.

places in germany that look like fuck

I’ll admit that I haven’t travelled that much of Germany yet, but there don’t really seem to be that many places that look like fuck. However, if you’re really intent on this, you could try Marzahn. Alternatively, just skip Germany altogether and head for Poland or Latvia – there are plenty of places that look like fuck there.

Marzahn. It looks like fuck.
german poo shelf

I know, I know. Despite numerous explanations/justifications, I still don’t get it either. (Splash.)

german word for i’ve followed through

You sound like you might be in need of a poo shelf.

english mans sexs only towel dress image

Sorry, but I’m more interested in German mans sexs right now.

German mans sexs


do germans working in america understand our humor

I don’t see why the Germans would have any more difficulty understanding American humour than any other nationality.

why all ppl want to move to germany

Because it’s awesome.

sex with german sweeping maid utibe

I’ll get my uniform and a camera. In the meantime, this will have to do…

Sexy, I know.
Sexy, I know.

weed feels like japan


am around just a little busy,but i live in buru in german language

Double “um”…

am all tied up man whatsup/old fashioned pictures of women tied up/girls who likes to meet up and being tied up for the evening/girls who likes to meet up and being tied up gagged

I really hope I never bump into this guy.

And finally…

why is expat eye so popular?

You tell me!

So a big thank you to everyone who’s been reading and commenting  – except the gagging guy. Here’s to a fantastic 2015! I hope you all join me for the ride – except the gagging guy.

Happy New Year/Guten Rutsch!

(And hoch fünf)


65 thoughts on “What brings you here?”

  1. Oh, I have missed your humor. I’ll be setting aside time to explore the posts of the last two months. But at least I know what search terms to NOT use; thanks for covering them here. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You should have seen the ones on the Latvian blog – shudder. People searching for ‘Latvian grandpa cock’ 🙂 I’m still the first result that comes up on Google if you put that in! And ‘crazy Latvian women’ haha! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Had a new search today – help I’m tied up and gagged. They obviously didn’t do a very good job with the tying up if the person could still type though… 😉
      Throw your knickers in the air – it’s NYE!


      1. guy whats wrong with you? I have no problem cleaning up after myself but I hate the sensation of water splash against your butt that English shelf free toilets give you… so dont critisize continental bathrooms! hehe) bathrooms in UK were a total nightmare compared to what we`ve got…

        Liked by 1 person

            1. btw internet searchers out there are weird. once I was doing research on child poverty and I started typing it in google and the first thing that came out was child “““ so yeah. that did freak me out a bit. things ppl search on the net! it creeps the hell out of me like I may be sitting next to a weirdo like this on the bus…

              also the new list of search terms that lead to your blog are not half as creepy (and funny) as the old latvian blog. at least now nobody is looking for latvian grandpa cock on your blog anymore….

              haha now they will:-)

              Liked by 1 person

  2. This just made my day! Not only did it link me to other posts I had somehow missed (ikea and I blame you for being too popular), it also made me giggle at the searches. I think weed feels like japan is my personal fave and my New Year’s resolution is to try and convince you to write a book in 2015

    -hoch fünf fan club

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Dear crazy Linda in ikea,
        Sounds like the best fan club ever. Remember, I still want the latvian tshirts printed and now we can print high five shirts as well 😜

        We have no snow here in Toronto, go figure.

        Crazy fan who feels like japan

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Ah, the ‘Horny too long time’ t-shirt – that was a fun time 🙂 I might need to get a hoch fünf hoody or fur coat printed up before the t-shirt 🙂 I can wear it out and check out the reactions of random Germans haha!


    1. I think you have to stand there for around 7 hours waiting for it to start! And be surrounded by tourists 😉 I saw The Hoff once in Vegas – he was fantastic 🙂


  3. Bahahaha! Hoch fünf to you, too! I really hope you get that phrase going. I plan on busting that out on my German friends when we visit in May. I’m expecting a combination of cluelessness and hilarity to be etched across their faces.

    Liked by 1 person

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