Mad Men and Mother Teresa

So, where to begin? It seems like my perfectly ordered German life is unravelling slightly. I mainly put this down to my flatmate’s rapidly disintegrating mental state.

Yes, it appears that what I’d taken for (sort of) charming eccentricity is, in fact, stark raving looniness. The repeated (empty) promises to clear out the fridge, the bathroom and a cupboard in the living room were mere annoyances. The shaking and the sweating, while off-putting, could be viewed as semi-entertaining. The delusional babbling could be tuned out. Everything would be OK as he was going back to Sweden for almost two weeks, and I could sort things out here, while his parents hopefully had him committed in Sweden.

We now collect maps too seemingly. Because y'know, one can never have too many maps. Umm.
We now collect maps too seemingly. Because y’know, one can never have too many maps, right? Right??

Wednesday rolled around and I clung to my last shreds of patience as Bjorn crashed around the apartment, banging off things, breaking things, flooding the bathroom, eventually ending up with a packed bag. He also offered me the use of his laptop which I knew he’d already packed. By the time he was ready to leave, he was really late so he had to call a taxi. I breathed a sigh of relief as he finally bashed his way out of the apartment, almost taking the door off its hinges in the process.

At 1.30am, I was sound asleep when he crashed his way back in again. There was a lot of muttering and pacing, something about humiliation, something about losing his laptop “under the lights” and then a lot of shouting into his phone. By 2.30, I’d had enough and did a bit of shouting and stomping myself.

At 5.30, I dragged myself out of bed. I was covering four lessons for another teacher, and had to get to the other side of the city for 9.15. Unfortunately, Bjorn woke up too. Now, while I’m not generally known for my patience, I can keep myself in check in most situations. It turns out that a Swede in pajamas, rambling about how he’s Mother Teresa is not one of them.

Anyway, after a lot of shouting (and eating bacon), I made it out of the apartment. I got the metro to the next train and hopped on. I was actually early – yes, I’m that organised, even in the face of madness. Unfortunately, the transport system did not reward me. Works on the line meant finding a replacement bus to another train station, getting back on the train, but ultimately missing the last bus I had to take. A dash in a taxi meant that I arrived at 9.15 on the dot.

I sat down and waited. And waited. The students never showed up. The second group were 15 (very unGerman) minutes late. I had 45 minutes to scoff a bit of lunch and then two more groups – neither of which turned up. Then it was back to the bus-train-bus-train-train game. Needless to say, by the time I got home, I was not in a particularly good mood.

Bjorn was still talking like I’d been there the whole time. But it was OK – he’d be heading to the airport again in an hour or so. They’d managed to book him on another flight. I tuned him out as best I could and waited. Finally, he left. Oh, the sweet blessed relief! I took myself out to a local Greek restaurant and revelled in the lovely normal Germans, indulging in lovely normal conversations all around me.

Food had never tasted so good
Food had never tasted so good

I danced home, cracked open a bottle of wine, and was just toasting my blissful solitude when Bjorn walked back in. Now, one of the main reasons this apartment appealed to me was that my flatmate would be travelling a lot. I just didn’t realise that when he said “travelling”, he meant travelling to the airport and NEVER getting on a f****** plane.

So, when you realise your flatmate is a nutter, you’ve got two courses of action as I see it – try to help him, or avoid him as much as humanly possible. As I’m no psychiatrist, I went for the latter. Or, as the old saying goes, if life gives you lemons, go and drink wine and eat cake.

Technically it's a waffle, but that works too.
Technically it’s a waffle, but that works too.

On Friday, I took myself off to pretty Potsdam and had a wonderful day.

And one for the ladies...
And one for the ladies…

I watched Germans playing a game I don’t know the name of, but I like to call, “Germans throwing sticks at sticks while drinking beer”.

Germans throwing sticks at sticks while drinking beer.
Germans throwing sticks at sticks while drinking beer.

I went to the flea market at Tiergarten… and didn’t buy anything.

Nein. Just NEIN.
Nein. Just NEIN.

I experienced my first Flammkuchen…

Gott, it was gut!
Gott, it was gut!

and went for a wander around the park with my childhood friend. I didn’t even know he was living in Berlin until he read in the Latvian blog that I was moving here and got in touch.

My photography skills don't do it justice.
Tiergarten –  my photography skills don’t do it justice.

And so, life goes on. Bjorn has calmed down a bit. It seems that telling someone who’s acting like a total nutjob that he’s acting like a total nutjob has an oddly calming effect. Maybe I should have been a psychiatrist after all?

Interesting times…

 

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163 thoughts on “Mad Men and Mother Teresa”

    1. I thought that might be it too, but when I called the school to check, seemingly they knew they had classes! 2 out of 4 showed up today – progress 😉
      The laptop – god knows. Maybe aliens took it? Maybe he is an alien? I’m seeing a flat tomorrow 🙂

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  1. You have the patience of a saint, Linda. (Is MT a saint yet? I’m not sure!) I get annoyed when Arūnas (who I adore) doesn’t go out when he says he will, never mind some crackpot I can’t abide to begin with! I know it’s a means to an end for you, but bless your cotton socks for not exploding. I’ll keep an eye on the news for an “Irishwoman goes on rampage in Belin” story!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow!! You know how to pick them – from Hermie (mis-spelled?) to Bjorn, your home life in Germany has got off to a rather, let’s say, ‘interesting’ start! I am glad to hear you are enjoying everything Berlin has to offer. But, I am sure there are more crazy times ahead and I look forward to reading all about them!! 🙂

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  3. Oh no Linda. I’m glad to read in your comments that you’re looking for another place.

    Not all Scandinavians are looney. But I don’t live with a Swede, so my observations may not apply….. 😉

    And, thank you for the Potsdam photo for the ladies. You’re too kind. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know, I know – the things I do for you ladies 😉
      I think I may have found one of the few loony Scandinavians – just my luck. Thought I’d be fine with a Swede! Most of the time, they seem like such lovely people! Oh well. Better luck next time 😉

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    1. I guess they were just busy! It happens from time to time, especially with small groups. If there are only 2 or 3 in a group, with only 1 who regularly shows… 😉
      And yes to wine and cake 😉

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    1. Pizza, pfft. Flammkuchen, dear 😉
      The lease is only for 3 months but I don’t think I can stay here even that long! He’s in a world of his own so I think it’s highly unlikely he’ll come across the blog!

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    1. Thanks! Yes, it’s a lovely feeling to have the place to myself! Unsure how long for but will enjoy it while it lasts! Just bought cleaning stuff to try and de-sticky the place. Until he comes back and re-stickies everything again 😉

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                1. Yeah, I guess! It’s just, it would have been hard enough without this extra bullshit! But I also couldn’t possibly have predicted he would turn out to be like this. Just need to forget it and work on getting myself out of here instead 🙂

                  Liked by 1 person

  4. Bjorn has a (not so secret) plan to make you think YOU are the nutter. How excruciating to have him keep popping up again just when you think he has finally fecked off to Malmö… there’s something almost cartoonish about it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ll probably laugh about it some day 😉 He’s gone now – I think. Well, he left last night so I can’t imagine where else he could be. But then, this is Bjorn we’re talking about 😉

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  5. This the motto that everyone should live by: “if life gives you lemons, go and drink wine and eat cake” 🙂 Look on the bright side (all right, dimly bright side) … plenty of fodder for your blog 😉

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  6. Talk about the German punctuality, hoho! But in case Bjorn gets back before you’ve found a new apartment and he’s having a psychosis, just call the police and they’ll bring him to the hospital( there is a appointed hospital, who’s responsible for acute psychiatric cases in every Bezirk .)I’ve worked all summer in the psychiatry,I’m now always overwhelmed, when i speak to a person, who just mildly deviates from normal 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s good to know! There’s a police station just down the street as well 🙂 I’m hoping his parents notice that something is ‘a bit’ off and sort him out. Or maybe they’re mad too. Who knows?!

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  7. my goodness! did you miss the memo about not moving in with crazy people!

    This is not the optimistic disney frolicking I was expecting!

    please tell me you are looking for a new place to live…or getting the locks changed and planning to tell him he never lived there…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha! I especially like the second idea – I reckon it’s completely doable as well! Just don’t think I could handle the rent for this place by myself 😦 Shame as it’s so lovely!
      Looks like the Disney frolic is over – though the bunnies are dancing around outside at the moment – they’re so cute 🙂

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      1. your mission, should you choose to accept it…is (in the next two weeks) find someone to share the rent with, move them in and make it look like they have always been there so as to convince any crazy people that they don’t live there, or perhaps that they don’t exist…

        🙂

        Liked by 1 person

            1. Ha ha! True 🙂 I think I remember the episode anyway 🙂 Chandler wants his crazy roommate out and Joey wants back in so they convince him that he never lived there in the first place. Adam Goldberg was the actor if memory serves, and there was something weird about a goldfish!

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  8. What a crazy few days…..sorry about your pretty apartment…but you will find another one just as nice….that I am sure of……hang in there……I know it is not a funny situation, but when you finally thought you were rid of him for the third time and he came back….well….it was just a little too “Three’s Company” for me….

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    1. Ha, yeah, the first thing I did this morning was check his room – which was probably a bit crazy on my part, as he can never move anywhere without waking the dead! The hunt begins again – sigh. Didn’t think I’d have to do this for at least 3 months.

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      1. wait….. me?!?!?!?! I hope it was me! You know….I don’t get your responses in my wordpress window anymore, so I am slower to respond to replies…I tried to figure out how to get that back….but I guess I am not that crafty of a wordpress girl. ANYWAY…..again…I hope it was me…and I don’t even have 1000 comments on my blog that has been around almost a year….you rock!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Yes, you!! Hmm, I wonder why my responses have disappeared! Haven’t heard of that happening before – but WP can be kind of glitchy at times! I’ll reappear when you least expect it hahaha (supposed to be an evil laugh!).
          I guess I brought readers from the old blog which made the process faster! 🙂 Love the comments 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  9. I knew it was too good to be true. All that green and bunnies… there had to be a catch! Yay for finally getting Flammkuchen though. It looks so tasty! Now I want one too.

    Weird that your classes failed to show up. Was it at a company? A friend of mine has to go in to companies to give some lessons and they occasionally forgot to inform anyone that they don’t actually want their class that day…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, it was a company. Pretty small groups, and they probably work in different departments so I guess everyone thinks the others will go, then nobody shows up 😉 It happens from time to time, though I’ve never had 3 in one day!!
      And thank you for turning me onto the Flammkuchen! What a find! 🙂
      Bye bye bunnies – sniff.

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  10. ahhh Flammkuchen – I had my first in Paris in 1999 – but ahhh it was good and then the real ones in Germany – hmmm – quite dramatic memories before breakfast 😉 Please, become a psychiatrist – please – we then have hope that some will actually get help 😉 Because the ones in profession seem to me like they have chosen it to help themselves – to see that they are not alone 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If I ever did start studying again, it would definitely be something in the psychiatry field. How people think (or don’t) fascinates me 🙂 Criminal psychology would be especially interesting but… maybe in another life. Seems I have enough mad people to deal with without advertising for them 😉
      And ahhh Flammkuchen, indeed 🙂

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  11. I don’t even know where to begin. I’d like to start with those fashionable leopard skin pumps that followed you from Latvia which you took a pass on in the market. But clearly you’ve got bigger fish to fry.

    Get the hell out of Dodge! What did you do to prescreen this nut ball? That’s for the slamming around, my ex husband was a Swede (albeit from Minnesota) and had the same problem. Perhaps it’s too much Midnight Sun?

    I don’t know what’s scarier the fact that he has these mood swings or the fake exits! It has to be the fake exits.

    I am glad that you have a friend in Germany. That’s a relief. I don’t understand the student “no shows”. That sucks! It also sucks to hate coming home to your roommate.

    But I know you will persevere and eventually thrive, you always do!! Just, Please try and get someone who isn’t a total nutter!

    Last thing? You can always scare the heck out of him by acting crazier than he does.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yay! You noticed! I was worried Bjorn’s madness had overshadowed them too much 😉
      Interesting that your Swede slammed around as well – maybe it is a Swedish thing? I mean I can move through the apartment in the dark like a cat, and I’ve been here two weeks. He’s been here two years and he can’t walk through it during the day without breaking something. Weird. But probably not the weirdest thing 😉
      The fake exits were so frustrating. I’d keep thinking he was gone, relax, crack open a bottle to celebrate, and he’d rock up again an hour (or four) later. IF he comes back again today, god knows what happened to him in between. 😉
      As for the acting crazy thing, it kind of comes naturally to me under duress 😉 I discovered that if I got mad and shouted, I could make him run back into his room. Handy for a short while, but not really a dream living situation 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Linda, I’m just seeing this for the first time now! My WP app is messing up.

        My ex was a great hockey player…so fast and graceful. But he also managed to accidentally break all of our wedding crystal. I finally switched to plastic plates before china became the next casualty. 🙂

        I hope you’re able to find someplace soon. That’s THE WORST! I love having my own space and unexpected invasions are rarely welcome.

        Liked by 1 person

  12. oh Linda….. you always find yourself an adventure dont you? how come did the students not show up? what happened? I was so looking forward to hear your impressions of teaching esl in germany! as for that bjorn guy you know what you should get yourself a one room apartment in berlin they are not that expensive.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know – it feels like my life is one looooooooooooooong blog post sometimes 😉 It’s good for the blog but in reality, it’s not so pleasant! Maybe I’m just a weirdo magnet 😉
      There will be ESL impressions at some point, but I really haven’t had enough classes yet to write a summation! My students are lovely though – the ones that showed up, anyway 😉 I think that company is just very busy at the moment. Attendance is always poor but this was especially bad!
      And now that I’m getting through the admin quagmire, getting my own flat could be an option – just not sure I have enough time to search for one. I need to get out of here. Fast 🙂 I’d really like to live with a German for a little while – not Hermann, obviously, but another German. See what makes them tick, close up 😉

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    1. Yeah, the last few days haven’t been easy! I thought he was gone so many times, but he kept coming back again. Felt never-ending! Just had to try to stay out as much as possible. And drink 😉

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    1. I’m actually looking forward to cleaning for the first time in my life – everything in the kitchen is sticky 😦 And there’s no point doing it when he’s here!
      And I know! Every other Swede I’ve met has been a dream! Trust me to move in with the one fruit loop 😉

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  13. I do hope that statue was made of a grower, not a shower…because otherwise…size matters.

    And he sounds like he was drunk. Very drunk. A lot. Maybe he’d be more tolerable if you were, as well? 😛

    Tell me you’re looking for another place to live. I used to have a (pretty hot) German guy, maybe it would be a good excuse to get into contact with him again!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Well, I’d never turn down an introduction to a hot German 😉
      He’s on some pretty strong drugs from what I can make out. Sometimes he mixes them up. Because he’s an idiot. 😉 It’s hard to know what he’s talking about most of the time!

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      1. Drugs, not hugs? Maybe in this case it’s “GTFO.”

        I haven’t spoken to this hot German in years, but he *is* in Berlin and he *is* and PhD in Engineering. And he is still very, very hot.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. If he’s good with a hammer, he might come in useful 😉 Bjorn should be (SHOULD BE) mid-air right now anyway – peace at last! What’s the German’s name? Hermann? Heinz? Gunther? Hans? Heinrich? 😉

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                1. Another is being sacrificed tonight – in celebration! Though I won’t really believe he’s gone until tomorrow morning. This is the fourth time he’s gone to the airport – yesterday he went hoping he could get a ticket. I was hoping that too 😉

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                2. Well, lemonade never did do it for me – unless it was mixed with copious amounts of vodka, of course 😉
                  This weekend, I’ve got a free bunker tour and drinks with a silver fox lined up – fun, fun 🙂
                  You should come!

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    1. The whole contract is only for 3 months – it was only ever meant to be a short-term solution. Plus, Bjorn helpfully lost the signed copy I gave him to give the landlady so she doesn’t actually have anything with my signature. The only issue would be getting my deposit back. But my mental (and possibly physical!) health is more important than that! I don’t think anyone can force you to live in a situation that’s totally untenable. I’m pretty sure if the landlady took a look at his room, she’d be far more likely to boot him out. Everything is falling apart.

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    1. Well, he has no laptop and no focus, so I think it’s unlikely. He also has no friends so it’s equally unlikely that anyone else will tell him about it. Besides, it’s nothing I haven’t said to his face – and worse 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, it’s SO lecker! 🙂 I loved it! I’d had a really disappointing experience at a Flammkuchen café in Potsdam the day before – they’d run out of Flammkuchen (WTF?) – so I was delighted to see it at the café in Tiergarten! And such a great location too 🙂 I wolfed it!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Roommates are a breed all their own, aren’t they? My boyfriend and I have been living with the same guy for three years, and while I’m his friend, I think I may strangle him if he doesn’t start acting like a normal human being. Bless you for dealing with staying there as long as you have. I sincerely hope you find a nice place to live, and soon!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Me too, Britt, me too! It’s such a shame as the apartment is gorgeous, and the area is just lovely, but the mad flatmate kind of ruins it a bit 😉
      Good luck with your semi-human! Sounds like we both know how to pick ’em 😉

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      1. It definitely sounds like it. I’m counting down the months until he graduates. Our friendship will be so much better when I’m not cleaning up his messes every day.

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      1. Yes, that! Hermie looks rather tame in comparison with Bjorn. OMG, I’d be scared to sh**less by now, if I had to deal with so much crazy. Thinking about all those Dildoking shops, do Germans do some self protection equipment shops too? A tazer under a pillow and in a bag just in case pops to my mind. But ya know, I’m not a brave little lady like you are.
        And people were telling you you’re going to be killed in Latvia. Huh, I think Latvia was just a child’s play after all. What just about a month in Berlin, and already living in a horror movie. If you survive, you could def sell the rights to this movie to Hollywood and make lots of $$$

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Ha ha! Well, I THINK he’s finally gone to Sweden – surely nobody can fail to get on a plane THREE TIMES?? I’ll keep my hammer handy 😉 Lucky I got in some practice with the wardrobe 😉

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                1. well, that would be a freshman’s mistake. I’d stick to the ‘build a house with our spares in just ten years’ version. Unless Bjorn’s a victim, then your theory is totally proven and scary 🙂

                  Liked by 1 person

  15. What in the actual fuck, Linda???
    Get a lock on your bedroom door immediately. And then see if you can have him committed. Holy shit, I broke out into a sweat just reading this. Nothing scares me like crazy. I can deal with mean. I can deal with angry. I can’t deal with crazy. Crazy is just plain crazy. And it scares the fuck out of me.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I know, right? Totally insane. But don’t worry, he’s gone now (third time lucky?) and I’ll be looking for a new place in the meantime. I can’t live somewhere I’m not comfortable coming home to. And a lunatic doesn’t exactly scream comfort 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      1. It’s not that I’m not listening! But I can’t just magic a new flat out of the air! And I had to get that number which I need an address for – means to an end. I’ll be out of here soon enough, don’t worry!

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            1. Can we get a bit real here for a minute? Of course I want to move out – I’m not a fucking idiot. Or brain-damaged. I handed over 2 months’ rent to this guy, which I need back before I can find somewhere else. All of my important documents are coming to this address and shit for brains has gone off with the key to the post box. So when I get all of that sorted out – and rest assured, I will – then I’ll move out.

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                1. I really wouldn’t ask that of him! But he has offered to let me stay at his place so I can always do that. For now, I have the place to myself so I can get everything sorted out and look for somewhere while he’s gone. Then hopefully get some of my money back – and the fucking key. The last thing I said to him before I left yesterday was ‘leave the key to the post box. I have important documents arriving over the next week or so.’ He assured me he would and then took off with it. Moron.

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                2. Moron, or crazy like a fox? Maybe he’s just a shit disturber and trying to cause hardship.

                  Any chance the landlord would give you a spare key or open the mailbox for you a couple times a week?

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    1. Ha ha! You have such a lovely way with words 😉 I’m sure the German will be happy about that though! Really happy for you guys!
      And Bjorn would definitely NOT do it for you. In fact, I think you’d have killed him by now. I’m surprised I haven’t. 😉

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